Ever Felt Like This?

Welcome back

Ensure your compliance, you Y2K bugs, it’s your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, here to gently guide you into the terrifying future of 21st century Round the Twist. And what a start “Welcome Back” is, featuring a “twist” on the classic possession tale as a family of competently special-effected specters copy the family in a desperate ploy to finally see heaven. Is it harder to find a replacement Snapper than it is a Fay? Is sweaty Gribble’s advice better than dry Gribble’s? How long can we watch a sobbing Rabbit fist a toilet? All this and letters from the Class IV Semi-Corporeals we call fans.

 

 

The Big Rock

The Big Rock
Harvest your boat batteries, you Norwegian Stepchildren, it’s your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, here to guide you through season three of Round the Twist’s finale, “The Big Rock”. And what a finally it is, with several serialized points, several irrelevant developments, and Tony marrying Fay again all fighting for the tiny amount of space allowed by publicly funded Australian children’s television. What might be Thor’s daughter shows up for her hypno-molestation book only to find Snapper has used all the love leaving only poetic curses, including fleas and vanishing adults. Can children survive in a world without proper supervision? Will the other children eat Bronson once they’re sick of ice cream? Did Snapper at least get to keep the car? All this and letters from the clearly unattended minors we call fans.

If the Walls Could Talk

Brush up on your texts, you scruffy girls, it’s your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, here to tutor you in another episode of Round the Twist. And what an episode “If the Walls could Talk” is as magical lightning forces a world of objects to do the one thing truly too absurd for this series: listen to Bronson. And listen they do, but talk back to him they do also! Helping Bronson navigate the Port Niranda Clever Kids Competition and his father’s narratively convenient inability to remember the Viking book of love. Are all chests of drawers Italian? Where does one thing end and another thing begin? Is all that crying you’ve been doing good in this context? All this and letters from the talking fenceposts we call fans.

 

The Ice-Cream Man Cometh

Lick your Italians, you sapient appliances, as your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, take you on a sleeve-greening trip through another episode of Round the Twist. And what an episode “The Ice-Cream Man Cometh” turns out to be. Linda has a job serving Gribble’s “all-natural” iced creams but abandons that den of chemicals for the ever-reliable Italian food truck. But this truck hides its own secret. A cold secret that threatens to leap about, do disgusting things, and force unpleasant questions. What’s the difference between a Gypsy and an Italian? What is it with kisses and curses? Are all the chemicals responsible for Gribble’s hair being like that? All this and letters from the quivering gobs of xanthan gum we call fans.

 

Tears of Innocence

Bud your Tingwells, emotional mutants, it’s your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, here to dance in a racially insensitive manner about another episode of Round the Twist. And what a dance “Tears of Innocence” is, starting with hitting balls at an Australian acting legend and only adding more leprechauns from there. Can Pete’s acting ability bring precipitation to Dune? Can you ever have too many crane shots? Is there an okay way to make a thirteen-year-old slave boy wear a midriff top? All this and letters from the tragic comedies we call fans.

 

Toy Love

Stimulate your minds, children ages 10 and up, it’s your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, here to have their strings pulled for another creepy porcelain episode of Round the Twist. And what a choking hazard “Toy Love” is, wherein Fay’s desire to clean the lighthouse of neglected personal belongings brings Linda into conflict with a belonging that takes this neglect personally. Can a thing on a stick ever be scary? Should they maybe lock up the book that makes people horny? Should Michael Jackson be able to sleep with children as long as they’re girls? All this and letters from the GoBots we call fans.

 

Brainless

Brighten up your grey matter, you drooling lobotomies, for it is your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, here with another brain-wrinkling episode of Round the Twist. And what a lobe-loosener “Brainless” is, with Professor Anthony and Undergraduate Bronson’s primary school science experiment going horribly awry, leaving Pete and Linda’s brains on a solo adventure while their bodies remain under the remote control of whoever hold the remote. Can brains only jump when they’re horny? How many brain puns are there? Just what hypothesis was this experiment set up to test? All this and letters from the borderline cases we call fans. 

Mali-Boo

Cowabunga, you sun-bleached flotsam, it is we, your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, back with another journey Round the Twist. And what a tubular tour, “Mali-Boo” is, with Pete being guided by a Spectral Surfer known as Moondoggy to possible glory at Port Niranda’s surfing competition. But things aren’t all egging cosmic gagas, as Pete’s focus on beach-bummery results in neglected studies and the potential to be kept back in the same class as Bronson. What decision will Pete make about his future? Will Rabbit get molested? What’s this got to do with Australian Studies? All this and letters from the loosely literate limpets we call fans.

 

The Niranderthal Beast

Through acts of uncharacteristic competence, it is we, your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, unfrozen and wandering around your sleek, dazzling future. And what a future it is! One where we can witness episodes like “The Niranderthal Beast”, a harrowing tale of rampaging hordes, helpful Italians, and horny Matrons. Bronson has borrowed and broken the family heirloom razor, causing him to grow a mighty ginger beard. But it is not for tiny boychildren to be so endowed! And his appearance is believed to be that of a local cryptid. Will Bronson be doomed to resemble an enormous garden gnome his whole life? Is Matron’s face a turn-on? What does dandruff taste like? All this and letters from the lower homos we call fans. 

Truth Hits Everybody

By the gods and, let’s face it, various devils, it is us, your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, who are alive and definitely not replaced by trembling golems made from ants and pig fat. But keep that a secret, for this episode “Truth Hits Everybody” threatens to reveal it with a microphone that forces speakers to utter the truth. And what truths will be demanded? How about, will the new characters add anything to the series? Does watching scared children tap-dance qualify as television? Will Bronson break something trying to blow himself? All this and letters from the miserable little piles of secrets we call fans.