Ever Felt Like This?

Brighten up your grey matter, you drooling lobotomies, for it is your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, here with another brain-wrinkling episode of Round the Twist. And what a lobe-loosener “Brainless” is, with Professor Anthony and Undergraduate Bronson’s primary school science experiment going horribly awry, leaving Pete and Linda’s brains on a solo adventure while their bodies remain under the remote control of whoever hold the remote. Can brains only jump when they’re horny? How many brain puns are there? Just what hypothesis was this experiment set up to test? All this and letters from the borderline cases we call fans. 

Cowabunga, you sun-bleached flotsam, it is we, your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, back with another journey Round the Twist. And what a tubular tour, “Mali-Boo” is, with Pete being guided by a Spectral Surfer known as Moondoggy to possible glory at Port Niranda’s surfing competition. But things aren’t all egging cosmic gagas, as Pete’s focus on beach-bummery results in neglected studies and the potential to be kept back in the same class as Bronson. What decision will Pete make about his future? Will Rabbit get molested? What’s this got to do with Australian Studies? All this and letters from the loosely literate limpets we call fans.

 

Through acts of uncharacteristic competence, it is we, your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, unfrozen and wandering around your sleek, dazzling future. And what a future it is! One where we can witness episodes like “The Niranderthal Beast”, a harrowing tale of rampaging hordes, helpful Italians, and horny Matrons. Bronson has borrowed and broken the family heirloom razor, causing him to grow a mighty ginger beard. But it is not for tiny boychildren to be so endowed! And his appearance is believed to be that of a local cryptid. Will Bronson be doomed to resemble an enormous garden gnome his whole life? Is Matron’s face a turn-on? What does dandruff taste like? All this and letters from the lower homos we call fans. 

By the gods and, let’s face it, various devils, it is us, your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, who are alive and definitely not replaced by trembling golems made from ants and pig fat. But keep that a secret, for this episode “Truth Hits Everybody” threatens to reveal it with a microphone that forces speakers to utter the truth. And what truths will be demanded? How about, will the new characters add anything to the series? Does watching scared children tap-dance qualify as television? Will Bronson break something trying to blow himself? All this and letters from the miserable little piles of secrets we call fans.

 

 

Greetings, sweaty and curly listeners, it’s your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, back from another unexpected Mark Mitchell eruption to discuss a tale of moderately false advertising. When your thumbnail is a screaming, Lawnmower Man-esque VR nightmare, one kind of assumes that to be the general idea of the story. Well, if you assume you make an ass out of u and Mark Mitchell because it’s a bodyswap episode! Typically done to explore themes of perspective and empathy, witness as Round the Twist innovates by not bothering to do that. Instead, we’re left to wonder where all the sweaty, curly men went; whether carnies own rats or if it’s the other way around; and if anyone can really understand what it’s like to be in the wrong skin. All this and some unfortunately phallic letters from the encrusted members we call fans.

Greetings—or should that be “how’s it hanging?”—it’s your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, back for another spin ‘Round the Twist that puts the “oo” in doozy. We’ve joked so much about shirtless teen boys that the series has upped the ante with actual child penis. But fear not, it’s no ordinary penis! This one’s ginger, but it also spins after an accidental fish swallowing gifting its Bronsony host with powers most astounding. Are aquarium staff specifically trained to not look at child penises? How does a foreskin affect drag? Has watching this made us accessories to something? All this and questions from the spun meat we call fans.

 

Hwæt and lo, it’s your Accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, here to conquer your minds and pillage your hearts with another Round the Twist episode. But what if this did not contain talk of such an episode? That’s the puzzle at the heart of The Viking Book of Love that contains lots of Vikings and a scant few seconds of the eponymous book, which actually makes sense given the plot is almost non-existent. Can Linda hone her serialised moments down to a 3-second nub? Did Vikings really have horns? Can you re-gift a love slave? All this and letters from the trembling berserkers we call fans.

 

It’s season three which means all new faces for your recently re-accredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, to get used to. But fear not, as the episode’s subject matter will make new faces seem as familiar as the mysterious barcode birthmarks on the undersides of all Australian feet. Speaking of traumatic experiences we all refuse to speak about, this story begins with Pete finding love by urinating with baffling force onto a very pleased girl and it only gets more troubling from there. Will Pete learn anything about responsibility? Is new Bronson as annoying as his previous incarnations or are his threats to impregnate his step-mother too distracting? Is there only one Linda, kept young through a mix of drugs and abuse? All this and letters from the puddles of kept afterbirth we call fans.

 

Avert your eyes, you ill-bred work-shirkers, lest your Unaccredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, blind you with the thrilling-ish conclusion to season two of Round the Twist. Two ghosts use lightning powers to bodyjack the lighthouse occupants in a desperate attempt to stop other ghosts from ghost dying by real lighting a lighthouse. And they may as well borrow some bodies as there’re dozens to spare in a building as awkwardly packed as the plot. Is a re-engagement announcement a thing? Will Jeremiah pay for his ghost crimes? Ever scream with a Gribble in the pale moonlight? All this and letters from the genetic bilge we call fans.

Ahoy, you homeless barrel-wearers, it’s your Unaccredited Australians, Amber and Gabe, with some hot investment advice. Are you tired of losing your money in crypto? Of course you are! Might we suggest investing your baby’s food money in GOAT! Yes, GOAT! Just look at this testimonial episode from Bronson here as he discovers the amazing ROI of GOAT, a 200% gain! Sure, all you have to do is claw through its faeces like an OCD fetishist, but it’s that or actual fetish work, so get to pinching. Are cockatoo miracles more stable than electric money? Does Bronson count as a pump-n-dump? What’s up with that police officer? All this and letters from the flyswatter detritus we call fans.